How do I get her to notice me
plain in view and not small,
send up smoke signals
break out the flags.
How do I tell her
that I like her,
know all the words
but not the right time.
How do I do this
knowing I may not see her,
watch as she moves away
not to be seen again.
Under the burning midday sun,
fighters trained to better themselves,
move faster and more controlled,
to sense the enemies move before them.
A single traveller wandered through,
nothing to distinguish him
no extravagant clothes,
just a simple looking man.
Shuffling forward he spies his target
an evil man indeed,
kill a man so much as look at him,
so many widows and orphans in his wake.
In a blur the traveller is upon him,
the hidden blade deep into his heart,
and then gone into the confusion,
the assassin claims another victim.
And so, I lie in the depth of my soul,
the darkness slips around like a shawl
bringing me close to the edge,
taking my hand and leading me away.
There is no feeling for me,
my emotions ripped from my being
no need for this scarred heart,
love is only a four letter word.
Slowly sinking into the abyss,
losing sight in all directions
just waiting for the final moment,
dragging out for an eternity.
Another rejection to add,
same words, different time and person,
seems like only yesterday
and same again tomorrow.
We are the forgotten,
the lonely few at the edge,
the one's left out
no-one to call ours.
We are the friends,
turned to in time of need
for gleaned advice
but never for affection.
We are the unrequited,
our love is inside
never to see light of day
or see the warmth of another.
You stand there perfect in every detail to my eye,
I admire you from afar but never be allowed to hold,
The feeling inside me will not go away,
But I can never let it be known for fear of the unknown.
My heart has a place for you somewhere deep and treasured,
A place that only you could unlock if you said the word,
But I know that my ears will never be the ones to hear,
And I'll never erase the space to hold another's torch.
I see you rarely now these days the miles separate us,
But the emotions still lurk there waiting for a lapse,
An all to brief moment in time to be close to you,
And to show you all that could be ours together.
Troubled.
I sit at the table never looking up
hoping the knife strays from your hand
back to the drawer back to the safety
into its dark sheath not to move
I know that look the troubled self-doubting
before the knife leaves the marks you hide so well
the criss-cross the pale flesh turned red
the silent cries in the dark of a unlit room
The love is there you just can't see it
the cold bite into the skin quick and sharp
before the release and the bliss inside
staunching the scarlet river deep as beauty
I hope the blade strays from your grasp
never to find your love so deep inside
only to leave you intact and safe
for you to be u
Dawn.
I sit in the dawn,
the breeze like your breath
caresses the back of my neck,
reminding me what is never found.
The stray light bathes my face
like the smile from your lips,
brightening my day,
fending the dark clouds from sight.
I feel you close but you aren't there,
the daybreak wraps itself around me
holding me close in the day,
always there for me.
Then all too fleetingly its over,
the sun is high in the heavens
and all that was you is gone,
all that i knew of you was false.
Painting
The fatal artist paints in the colour of life,
the bright crimson splashes from his chosen delivery
bisecting the pale pink of the canvas,
flowing from easel to floor.
Again the stroke is delivered forth,
forcing the easel onto the floor
the crimson flows freely,
obscuring the canvas more in the dark studio.
The glint in the artist's eye as the easel lays,
no more movement in the dim light and
the low murmer of the city behind him
as he surveys the scene hes made.
A quick stoop to sit the easel up,
checking the value of the canvas,
then off into the night without witness,
only police see this true work of art.
Understanding
Was she pushed too far
did it really matter,
inside it was too late
she was already numb.
If it was too much
why wasn't it stopped,
final moments before,
long regrets after.
The scene is clear
no more acts played out,
the final curtain,
led to a safe place.
No longer shall she cry
after the dispatch,
he lays in immortal sleep,
while she lies in chains.
Unjustified
I shower the morning after,
the water runs over my skin,
flows to the drain
but does it wash away my sins
In the rain i wait soaking,
clouds roll over in anger,
torrent passes me silently
but does it take away my pain.
The fire lights the darkness
throwing embers skyward,
consuming the dead flesh
but does it guide me home.
You say your picture is false
that it does you no justice,
I say you are beautiful
but it does me no good.
Into the darkness.
She sits, staring into the darkness
looking for the answers,
waiting for a moment to come
for a return to normality.
The feelings so strong,
seem so unreal in the cold truth,
daylight holds no fear
for the broken soul.
Outside the highs and the lows,
a walk to the unknown
and the entrapment felt inside,
wanting to taste the sweet bliss.
Does this lovely one,
knees drawn close in protection
holding all together on the surface,
while the tempest rages below.
All wanting the knowledge,
does the flame still survive,
for all her hopes and dreams
she still believes it must.
No prescription
Another pill goes in,
swallowed down dry,
no need to help ease the pain
only to welcome the darkness.
How many left till the release,
the time accelerated by alcohol,
feeling the mix ease the ache
waiting for peace.
The blade slides easy over again
retracing familiar steps,
causing the opening to widen
letting the life flow freely.
In time there will be love
but right now, there is nothing,
no one will care about this soul
hardened and now forlorn.
Release in the dark.
In the kitchen all is quiet,
there is no one to see the act,
as the bottle lays drained
resting on the counter
Blade glints in the moonlight,
flesh reflects in the steel,
as it slips from fingers
after the deed is done.
A sharp rush then the dull pain
arms held to chest,
as crimson stains the fabric
ebbing slowly but not fast enough.
No mess can be seen nor known,
all is wiped clean after the act,
long sleeves hide the tale
that will continue till release.
The light picks out the smoke,
the bodies flow and ebb
but all i see is you
all there is, is you.
I stand to the side,
let you float on past
you flow with the stream
not knowing of my desire.
You are washed away
gone on the tide with my heart
taking my love where you go
on your drifting path.
The shore is a cold place,
where the sea of love
may lead to a warmth
that i have yet to feel.
just an update on my absence by Stjepan-Sejic, journal
just an update on my absence
as you may have noticed, both this and nebezial account have been silent recently, hell, i haven't been updating twitter or facebook that much either
reason is simple, i injured my arm/shoulder..connection..thing... i don't fucking know , doctor isn't too sure it seems but assumes it's from drawing too damn much so i have had to slow down a tad.
i'm hoping this will subside son as i am working at a slug's pace...blech
ironically, i can play videogames on my playstation... and i don't feel like gaming....
like the one time i don't feel like gaming...i can do it.
fucking hell!
i may need some of this!
also a reminder, if you ever have qu
Current Residence: Staffordshire, England Favourite genre of music: ALL - except C&W, most Opera and the Siberian nose flute Favourite photographer: SuccessfulLiving Favourite style of art: minimal/technological Operating System: XP (for my sins) MP3 player of choice: Winamp Shell of choice: Egg Wallpaper of choice: changes every couple of days Skin of choice: Leopard Favourite cartoon character: Bazooka Jules Personal Quote: I learnt that it takes years to build trust, but only suspicion, not proof to destroy it.
Well, yes I am still alive, I still pop in and out but it's this thing called work ya'know it keeps getting in the way of things like Fun and Life.
Never mind.